


Schmetterling

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Child Abuse, Gen, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, slight Kaneki/Hide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:02:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The first time Kaneki was able to read the name on his wrist, he cried.





	

The first time Kaneki was able to read the name on his wrist, he cried. It was possible a parent had just given their little girl a boyish name, but Kaneki had a feeling that wasn’t it. No, the more likely explanation was that this ‘Hideyoshi Nagachika’ was a boy, and that Kaneki was going to cause problems for everyone as usual. He’d tried to explain to his mother that soulmates didn’t _have_ to be together—fate didn’t seem to care whether you liked girls or boys, so some people chose to ignore the name—but his mother had looked disgusted at the thought.

“And how will he feel?” she’d asked, the dark circles under her eyes seeming to darken as she’d turned to him. “It’s not about your own happiness, Ken.”

He’d tugged on her sleeve, begging her to forgive him because he knew she wanted her only son to carry on the family name and pass kindness down to his children, but she’d jerked her arm away as if his touch burned and shook her head sadly.

“Please stop. You’re causing enough trouble for our family as it is, having another boy as a soulmate. Don’t go whining about it, too.”

He tried not to bother anyone with questions about the name after that, even when he was confused about how someone could like boys and girls, but sometimes the odd question would slip out and his mom would hit him. He deserved it, of course; she’d _told_ him not to whine, and he’d still done it, so he kept all his questions bottled up and tried not to trouble anyone else with them.

It was two years later when a boy with a bright grin and a joyful disposition stood in front of the class, introducing himself as the name on Kaneki’s wrist. Kaneki gripped his desk, fighting back a wave of nausea, as he stared in shock at one of the happiest people he’d ever seen. Hideyoshi Nagachika was one of those incredible, bubbly people who managed to light up the world around them. That he was stuck with a meek, problem-causing bookworm as a soulmate… Kaneki almost wanted to run away.

“Hey, what’s the name on your wrist?” some kid from the back called, and everyone leaned forward in interest as Kaneki sank down further in his seat. Friends were always bugging each other about the names, but no one had ever asked to see his. He was too embarrassed to have it out in the open so he wore a wrist band to cover it up, and when bullies taunted him and tried to pull it off he’d curl up so they couldn’t see it. Now they’d all laugh when they heard Nagachika’s soulmate was boring little Kaneki, and he’d get bullied even more for being such a loser while his soulmate was so great.

But the name Nagachika exuberantly called out wasn’t Kaneki’s at all. With a huge grin and a wink, he said, “Yui Sato!”

There was a collective groan around the class as people began muttering to each other. Yui was an extremely popular name for girls, and Sato was one of the most common surnames in the country. The two of them together made such a common name that in Kaneki’s middle school alone, there were two girls who had that name. And three other boys with that name on their wrist. It was disappointing for everyone involved, but the one who was the most horrified was Kaneki.

Was there another Hideyoshi Nagachika around? It seemed like such a unique name that Kaneki couldn’t imagine anyone else sharing the exact spelling, and the thought made his heart drop. He’d never heard of something like this before. What was wrong with him? Was he so pathetic that he didn’t even have a mutual soulmate? He had a name, but the person he was supposed to be with didn’t have his? He dug his nails into his wrists and hunched over as if in pain, trying not to cry.

He couldn’t tell his mom. She would definitely be upset, and rightfully so. Now he wouldn’t even have anyone to adopt kids with, because the new fad was marrying your soulmate, and if he didn’t have one then no one would marry him. Maybe he’d have to raise a kid alone, like his mom, although she’d been so tired lately because she had to look after him…

“Hey, hey, I’m talking to you!” a sudden voice said, and Kaneki’s face flushed as he blinked out of his reverie to come face-to-face with his supposed-but-not-really soulmate. Nagachika had taken the seat in front of him, and was watching him with eyes that seemed to see too much. Kaneki sank lower in his seat.

“S-sorry,” he whispered back. “I’ve got to… um, I’ve got to concentrate on my h-homework.”

Then he made himself even smaller as Nagachika gave him a questioning look before turning back around with a small shrug. He didn’t want to get to know this person, whose name had tormented him for two years. He just wanted to go home and cry, then bury himself in fiction so he didn’t have to think anymore.

When the bell rang to signal the end of class, he grabbed his backpack and tried to run away before any of the bullies could come after him. He was too slow, though, and an hour later he was sniffling at the edge of the fountain near the school, picking soggy notebooks from the water and trying to ignore the aching of his back from when he’d been shoved down so they could steal his bag.

“Yo! Guy who sits behind me!” Nagachika called from behind him, almost making him keel over into the fountain out of surprise. He hastily scooped up his last book from the water and cradled them all close to his body as he turned, trying to make a protective barrier between him and Nagachika. Was his own soulmate going to bully him too? Maybe he’d somehow found out his name was on Kaneki’s wrist and he was going to beat Kaneki up for being a nuisance. Kaneki didn’t really want to be beaten up again, but this time he probably deserved it…

“You okay?” Nagachika asked, tucking his hands behind his head and looking Kaneki up and down critically. “Homework so bad you decided to throw it in the fountain and then regretted it?”

“ _I_ didn’t throw it in there!” Kaneki cried, his face flaming. Nagachika’s eyes widened, then softened in understanding. He began to nod, and opened his mouth to say something else, but Kaneki was too embarrassed to stay after he’d practically yelled at the blond, so he hurried away as quick as he could. He ignored Nagachika’s yelps of “Wait! Wait!” and kept running, all the way home.

His mom was really mad at him for getting all wet that night then asking her if he could buy a new uniform, and he made sure to wear long-sleeved clothes the next day. He didn’t want people thinking his mom was a bad person when she worked so hard, after all. Even in gym class, he wore long sleeves, and then hid in a locker until everyone was gone before he changed again. He was just struggling to get his normal shirt back on when the locker room door burst open and Nagachika practically ran in, his eyes filled with determination.

“You!” he yelled, levelling a finger at Kaneki while Kaneki stared, a feeling of mild mortification rising from his gut. “What’s your name? The teachers don’t call attendance since they know who we are, but—”

He stopped mid-sentence, determination dying down into disbelief as he took in the bruises on Kaneki’s arms. Kaneki noticed the look and quickly finished shrugging on his shirt, smoothing it down and swallowing hard.

“P-please don’t t-tell anyone,” he managed to get out around the lump in his throat. “It’s m-my fault. It’s n-nothing.”

He laughed weakly, rubbing his chin, then backed up until he hit the door leading back out into the gym. Before Nagachika could say a word, he shoved into the gym then went to class that way, instead of trying to get past Nagachika. Why was it always _him_ who was around to see Kaneki’s worst moments? Why couldn’t it be someone whose name was written on someone else’s wrist?

Kaneki made sure to get to class just as the bell was ringing, then buried himself in work so no one would try to talk to him. Nagachika, for his part, was remarkably quiet compared to his usual loud, eager self, but that was okay because he didn’t push Kaneki into talking. By the end of the day, Kaneki was way more relaxed, and since he was studiously ignoring Nagachika’s existence, he didn’t notice the worried glances the other boy kept throwing his way.

When he got home that night… When he got home…

He didn’t go to school for a month afterwards. His aunt was so kind she agreed to take him in, though sometimes the atmosphere got a little uncomfortable. Kaneki got even better at keeping quiet, burying himself in books so he didn’t have to think or talk, and he stopped trying to impress his aunt because that was being arrogant. The only problem was that without his mom, things were so… lonely.

The first day back in school, no one even bullied him. They all made way for him in the hall, casting him surreptitious glances and whispering behind his back. It was Kaneki and Them. Before, even though he’d never been close with anyone, it had still been Us. Us, the children of this school who have to suffer through class together and who sometimes give each other long-suffering glances because our teachers are being dumb. Now, people were so awkward around Kaneki they wouldn’t look at him, as if they were afraid he might burst into tears from their glances. He tightened his grip on his bag and moved on.

In class, even the teacher treated him like he was made of glass—never calling on him even when he raised his hand—and it felt like maybe he wasn’t even there. He even missed Nagachika’s curious glances, because the other boy wasn’t in the classroom today. Since no one cared what he was doing, he pulled out a book and started to read right in the middle of class. He almost wanted to be reprimanded, but no one said a word.

The only commotion was when Nagachika tramped in late, apologizing profusely while the whole class laughed as if they were in on some inside joke. Kaneki tried to smile too, to feel like he was part of something, but it felt forced and in the end he turned his attention back to the book, his eyes blurring with tears as he wondered how he’d manage to get through the rest of the year like this.

It was only when he’d rapidly blinked the tears away to try and focus again that he realized the hairs on the back of his neck were raised and it felt like someone was staring at him. He tilted his head up and came face-to-face with Nagachika’s grin, which was directed straight at him. What… Why… Wh…

“What’re you reading?!” Nagachika yelled, and everyone in the class went silent, staring as if waiting for a train wreck to happen. Kaneki’s heart sped up until it felt like it was going two hundred miles an hour; he couldn’t mess this up! This one person alone was treating him normal!

“Um… The Dra...”

“Is it good?!”

Kaneki gaped like an idiot for a second, before managing to gather his wits, nodding profusely.

“Um, yeah…”

“Hey, you’re always reading by yourself,” Nagachika said, tilting his head curiously. Kaneki broke eye contact, feeling his heart sinking.

“I-is that wrong?” he asked, wondering if it somehow annoyed his ex-soulmate. The name on his wrist itched and he set his book down, his fingers encircling his wrist to hide the name even more. Nagachika’s eyes flickered to his hands once—so quick he wasn’t sure he actually saw it—then a huge grin spread across the boy’s face and Kaneki felt his heart lighten a bit.

“That’s now how I meant it,” Nagachika laughed almost nervously, as if he didn’t want to offend Kaneki. “I just moved here and I don’t have any friends yet. So would you… be my friend?”

“Huh?” Kaneki asked, stunned beyond belief. Nagachika wanted to be friends… with… Kaneki? “Uh…”

“No?!” Nagachika yelped, his brows contorting.

“N-no, no…” _Yes! I meant yes!_ “I will!!” _Urgh. Too eager_.

“Really?! Sweet!” Nagachika cheered, and Kaneki’s face flushed as Nagachika offered him an exuberant high-five. “Dude. So awesome! You can call me Hide. And your name is?”

“Kaneki,” he whispered, so low that Nag—er, Hide, leaned closer, frowning.

“Huh?”

“Kaneki! Kaneki Ken!” he shouted out, then scooped his book up and hid behind it as everyone’s eyes flickered to then away from him. Wow. He’d not only managed to embarrass himself in front of the one and only guy who’d wanted to be his friend; he’d also made the entire class annoyed. Stupid, useless, trashy, better off de—

“DUDE!” Hide screeched, leaping from his seat. “YOU?! YOU ARE?!”

Kaneki wanted to sink into a black hole where no one would ever find him as Hide looked like he’d physically start to glow soon. His eyes were sparkling in triumph and excitement, his mouth was twisted up in a grin so wide Kaneki was afraid it might break his face, and his whole body seemed to be vibrating in joy. It was terrifying. It was mildly exciting, but terrifying. Kaneki really didn’t understand where the exuberance was coming from, though, not unless…

“Did you…” Kaneki began, his heart kicking up a hopeful notch, until the teacher started yelling at Hide to sit down. Kaneki drummed his fingers impatiently all class, actually wanting it to end for the first time in a long time, and when the bell finally rang to signal the end of the day he approached Hide first.

“You…” he began, but Hide looked around and shook his head quickly.

“Not here. C’mon!”

He grabbed Kaneki’s hand without any forethought to how it would look, running for the door and practically dragging Kaneki with him. It was crazy, and it was probably the happiest moment Kaneki had had in the past month. They burst out into the sunlight together, Hide dragging him past the bullies who usually messed with him, and they ran a little ways down the street before stopping. Kaneki doubled over, panting heavily, while Hide watched him and then started laughing.

“W-what’s… so f-funny?” Kaneki gasped out, cursing how unused to sports his body was.

“Nothing, really. I’m just super happy I finally found you!”

“Does that… mean…?” Kaneki asked, straightening, and Hide laughed again as he pulled his coat sleeve up, then his watch off, to reveal a familiar name etched in black on his wrist. Kaneki reached out with shaking hands and grabbed Hide’s wrist, studying his own name in shock. The whole time he’d thought he’d be alone, the whole time he’d thought Hide had another soulmate…

“I lied on impulse, in case my soulmate didn’t want people knowing,” Hide said, and when Kaneki blinked up at him he was surprised that Hide was looking nervous again, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry if I made you worry, I just—wait, wait, don’t cry!”

“I’m sorry,” Kaneki sniffed as he rubbed his sleeve across his nose. “I just thought you had someone else. I thought I’d be alone. I’m just…”

He’d been holding back tears since his mom died so he wouldn’t trouble his aunt, but suddenly everything just came out and he was sobbing, which was so dumb on his part because everyone kept looking at him like they expected him to break down and now he _was_. Hide didn’t seem troubled by it at all though; he shrugged out of his coat and tossed it over Kaneki’s head to hide his crying, then grabbed Kaneki’s hand.

“Nah, you’re not alone,” Hide said gently as he started leading Kaneki down the road. Kaneki couldn’t see anything past the jacket, but somehow he trusted Hide to bring him somewhere safe. Was this what being soulmates meant?

“Now that I’ve found you, you’ll never be alone, dude! I mean, unless you wanna be, but even then you might have a hard time getting rid of me.”

Kaneki laughed through his tears and heard Hide laugh too, and things began to seem a lot better than they had for maybe his whole life.

“You’re not weirded out having another guy as your soulmate?” Kaneki asked from beneath the jacket. They stopped, and then there was an influx of light as Hide lifted the jacket and peered in at Kaneki, smiling like he had some sort of secret only Kaneki was in on.

“No way. Everyone says you end up married if you’re soulmates, but I think it’s more like you just have a really, really strong connection. It doesn’t have to be romantic if we don’t want it to be.”

Kaneki had never heard anyone say something like that before, and even though he thought that maybe someday he wouldn’t mind being together with this particular boy like that, he was secretly glad there was no pressure about it. He must have the best soulmate in the whole, wide world, and what he did to deserve someone so awesome he had no idea.

“Sorry you’re stuck with me,” Kaneki sighed as they resumed walking again, hand-in-hand. He heard Hide exhale loudly and he flinched, wondering if he’d made the other boy mad, but when Hide looked over his shoulder he didn’t look angry at all. Only determined, as if he’d just set his sights on something and he wouldn’t back down until he got it.

“Even before I knew you were my soulmate, I wanted to be friends with you,” Hide pointed out. “Because you’re a good guy—I can tell. The fact that you turned out to be my soulmate too… it’s the best thing that could’ve happened! So don’t apologize, ’kay? Friends don’t need to apologize for being a good person.”

“…Okay,” Kaneki mumbled, dipping his head shyly. Hide looked satisfied with this answer, and he squeezed Kaneki’s hand reassuringly, making a wave of warmth wash up from Kaneki’s toes to the tips of his hair. He didn’t know what the future would hold for them—probably some more difficult things, if Kaneki’s usual luck was any indication—but he wasn’t as worried about that as he usually was. Because for the first time in his life, Kaneki truly had the feeling that he wasn’t alone.


End file.
